Moved to

http://lepetitrenardxx.tumblr.com/

let it be.

Featuring what I've bought (mostly!)  in the last two weeks.

I definitely need to clean and reorganize my closet because I can't find anything to wear and everything is just in a pile of mess! 

In other news, the last couple of weeks has been nothing less than tumultuous. I've always been acutely aware of my issues and right now, I'm stuck in a limbo, a crossroad because I'm really unsure how to deal with them. I know I'm not psychologically unstable but I don't know how long I can continue hurting and being extremely spiteful the people I love the most every time they do or say anything that feel remotely hurtful. I just feel the need to get back at them because I feel very unjustly treated. Maybe it's a way for me to make people feel as much gut wrenching pain as I felt so long ago. I'm definitely terrified to seek help and spill everything and anything to one person because it's unnatural, and so, so, so difficult for me to say anything without choking up or being defensive.

To be honest, I doubt I'm going to do anything about it because I'm just going to leave it in a corner, forget about it for a while and let it take control all over again. 

Fuck.

I'm absolutely terrified of dying.

Trying hard not to burst into tears at work right now x

Post Holiday

Post holiday, a week later I'm now pescatarian. I've completely cut out chicken and pork out of my diet. So far so good but it's still pretty early on. Strangely, today is taco tuesdays and I LOVE chicken tacos and was a bit apprehensive of bean tacos. But I didn't crave chicken at all. It's like my brain just switched off.

I've started back into my better eating diet and when I feel more settled, I'm going back into running again. I've signed up for pole dancing again :) Also have to get back into stretch classes.

Yay yay to summer! x

CW: 61 (before meals) - 62 (after meals)
GW: 56
IW: 54

Giving myself till Dec!

i don't understand why we keep doing this.

fight. i go to toilets to pretend to pee and cry in silence/go to bed and cry facing away from him.

go out into the living room/wake up the next day

and we're all good again.

wtf is this shit.

i don't know how long i can do this.

games

too old for this shit. last night was ridiculous. ridiculously good and bad.

you kept coming up to me and telling me you love me. and no, i dont want to hear this shit.

i came all the way just to see you. but what did you do? absolutely fuck all. at the end, you went into your best mate's room while he's having sex. and you apparently just laid there and then maybe perhaps had a 3 or 4some. wtf.

i was so disgusted. it's so disrespectful.

i dont want to see you again.

or do i?