I was never conscious of my weight until I turned 16. When someone complimented me and said I looked so much nicer with a bit of weight off. When I found out my best friend had bulimia. When guys really preferred skinnier girls than chubby ones.
It took me a year and half to shed most of the 12-14kgs I gained when I moved to Australia and I'm never as ever as acutely aware of how disgusting my stomach rolls look, how flabby my upper arms are and how fat my thighs are so much so they touch each other when I walk in shorts.
I watch, judge and compare myself to every female I see on the street, how fat I'm compared to her. How small her thighs are, how much her collar bones are protruding. I'm sick of it. Not allowing anyone to touch me and know how big of a fatty I'm. I'm sick of being that ugly fat girl.
oh hunny...i want to give you a cyber hug. As a person that's struggled with this "issue" it's not worth it to be so tough on yourself...
ReplyDeletexx THE CHEAP
I just received your comment. I want to tell you that I received those same remarks when I was a teen. And that led to years of bulimia and just mental torture. To some extent I still deal with it. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself that none of it is worth it. I would rather have a healthy mind and have my OWN thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard to block out those voices. Especially those of people that are dear to you. But you have to be strong and fight those voices. You have to believe in yourself. You just have to.
Also if you ever need to just vent and BLAH. email me :)
ReplyDeletethecheapblog@gmail.com