FML

I've gotten fat.

5 reps of 1.5min run & 45seconds walk
20min stretch
1min calf raises
1min tricep dips
20x step ups each leg

1 cup of chocolate ice cream
nutella sandwich
eggs, bacon, aparagus & mushrooms
dins dins: organic soba w snow peas, beans, soy garlic chicken.

Poo

Haven't ran since the post before last; nearly a month ago! Shocking :( Better late than never. Esp since seeing my weight this morning.

Food
7 mounthful of chocolate ice cream & nutella sandwich. veggie curry. 2 sushi hand rolls, half an apple, 20g of chips.

Did 1.5min of running and 45sec of walking - total 3 reps.
1 min of tricep dips
1 min of step ups on park bench
20mins stretch

Well, here it goes.
CW: 62kgs (I'm usually 58-60!)
IW: 55/56kgs
LW: 53kgs

Gheez. I'm nearly 10 kgs heavier from what I was 4 years ago :(

I'm feeling a change

I feel quite pround of myself today. I'm the kind of person who says "I'll go on a healthy diet, run tomorrow, etc" but never does. But guess who woke up at 7.30 this morning to run? I'm going to start on running for 1.5minutes (attempted 2 minutes today. Does not work) and walk for 45 seconds and repeat x 4 or until I exercise for 30minutes depending on how my stamina goes.

Food for today as goes.
Breakfast: Peanut butter & jelly on pumpkin seed bread
Work lunch (that I made): Stir fried round beans, snow peas and bacon with carrots, broccoli & red peppers
Dinner: Undecided

Truth be told

Her body

credit: tumblr

trash

Funny how just one thing just trigger me off. I felt insanely insecure, unattractive like I'm the ugliest object to manifest in this world. I could not stand being at work because I feel everyone is looking at me and thinking the same way so I got off work as early as I could so I could hide at home. I know it is quite ridiculous and exaggerated but I can't help the way I feel. 

That's just the way it goes.

Yum

credit

Fuck starving.

I'm hungry.

 

credit: Google

How amazing is A is the orange and blue combo?? 

No doubt, I've gained some weight from all the food binge lately... :(

Excessive shopping helps.. a bit.

fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat. fat.

I was never conscious of my weight until I turned 16. When someone complimented me and said I looked so much nicer with a bit of weight off. When I found out my best friend had bulimia. When guys really preferred skinnier girls than chubby ones. 

It took me a year and half to shed most of the 12-14kgs I gained when I moved to Australia and I'm never as ever as acutely aware of how disgusting my stomach rolls look, how flabby my upper arms are and how fat my thighs are so much so they touch each other when I walk in shorts. 

I watch, judge and compare myself to every female I see on the street, how fat I'm compared to her. How small her thighs are, how much her collar bones are protruding. I'm sick of it. Not allowing anyone to touch me and know how big of a fatty I'm. I'm sick of being that ugly fat girl. 

This week, I started attempting to eat as healthily as possible. Tuna avocado sandwiches, fruits, yogurt, grilled chicken and vegetables. I'm just sick of it. Sick of being the fat one.

motivation

 

I want her stomach.

I'm giving myself to June.

2.5kgs more to lose till end of Feb.