I believe this is the reason

Can't sleep. Damn coffee.

Every once in a while, I think of the people I onced loved: ex lovers, ex friends and wonder where did it all go wrong. Why didn't it work it to how I saw it in my head or why didn't we keep to our promises? 

One particular girl I thought I would spend the rest of my life being bffs, I still think of her. I had a dream about her where she was leaving and I woke up crying. I remember all our written promises, all our letters. What happened? I always remembered how after I moved to Cambodia, I went all the way to her place to see her, to give her a letter and I remember her housekeeper telling me she wasn't home and she will pass the letter to her. And I never heard back.

I keep asking myself the same question when I already know the answer. Selfishness. People are afraid, lazy. How can relationships be this fraglie? How could they just rip my heart out and leave me to all these tears. nights spent questioning myself? Nights where I just cry myself till I could no more.

To say I no longer give a damn is an overstatement. I'm unsure of how I feel. Care? Yes. Maybe. A little. Love? Perhaps but highly unlikely. No.

People are shit.

This is why I think I've no friends cause I've given up on people but the silly romantic part of me still believe that people are true and they are just scared.

Maybe I'm just too hung up. Or just stupid.