I see myself as a realist, a cynic. Very blunt, connected with reality. What you see is what you get. I'm open and I rarely hide my feelings and thoughts but at the same time, I feel like I'm absolutely crazy. Crazy in a bad way. Crazy that I think I'm illusioned with life. I go up and I go down. At any moment, I can just go spirally down and just downright hate everyone. I don't feel like I've any friends. I feel like almost everyone is fake. All that phoniness. I can't stand it. I don't "hang out" with anyone. All I do is work and go home and when I do go out, all I do is get smashed, black out or be off my face. Even when I'm fucked and supposedly loving everyone, I feel noone loves me back. Why do I bother giving when noone returns. Sometimes I let it go, sometimes I get just so angry.
What is going on?
